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Fear of Divorce | Johnsen Wikander P.C. West Michigan Divorce Attorneys

Fear of Divorce

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Divorce is far from uncommon in West Michigan today. However, the idea of separating from someone who has shared the same home for years, for better or worse, is still often met with fear by one or both divorcing spouses.

The fear of divorce may keep unhappy couples together for years, often living as roommates to avoid subjecting themselves to the process even when no children are involved.

When asked why they feared the idea of divorce, the answers given were often the same, with several specific issues repeatedly appearing in the top results.

Disruption/Upheaval

For many people, the idea of divorcing is overshadowed by the upheaval that accompanies the process. Couples who have been together for decades may have accumulated a substantial amount of personal property, investment and retirement assets, and just plain “stuff.”

For them, staying together may seem easier than facing the work involved in dividing their shared assets. Other disruptive issues may also be cause for fear, such as lost friendships, new and unfamiliar homes, and new financial responsibilities.

Loneliness

The fear of divorce can also be rooted in the common fear of being alone. This can be especially true for older couples who believe they may never have another chance to find a strong or lasting relationship.

For these spouses, sharing a home with a virtual “roommate” may be preferable to walking into an empty house. Even when couples no longer share a bed, having someone else in the home may provide peace of mind and security for one or the other spouse.

Financial Stress

People often believe divorce will result in extreme financial difficulties. When both people earn a paycheck and share expenses, one or both may fear the impact removing half of their collective income might have on lifestyle, well-being and financial security.

Newer divorce options, such as Collaborative Divorce, can provide solutions that may reduce the cost of divorce and will certainly reduce stress.

For the Children

Parents who stay together because they believe it is the best solution for their children’s emotional wellbeing or concern regarding who gets custody of the child,  often overlook the real results of their decision. Children are often not fooled by their parents’ actions and can feel the tension and unhappiness in the home.

Unfortunately, children sometimes believe they are to blame for the trouble at home and may act out because of it. By staying together, parents potentially contribute to the resulting misbehavior, violent actions, and sadness or depression their children may manifest.

Many children of divorced parents who were interviewed later knew that their parents were staying together “because of me” and stated that they would have been much happier if the couple had divorced earlier, removing the tension and anger from their lives.

If you are considering the possibility of divorce, it is important to understand the process and options available to you today. In Grand Rapids and the surrounding communities in West Michigan, please contact the experienced divorce attorneys at Johnsen Wikander today. Let us help you through the fear associated with your most difficult time.

Divorce Today – No-Fault vs Fault Explained

Divorce Today – No-Fault vs Fault Explained

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At one time, anyone filing for divorce in the United States needed to prove fault before being granted permission to proceed. Reasons for fault varied, and individuals seeking to split with their partner often found reasons to do so anyway.

In a divorce, fault could include adultery, prison time, alcohol or drug abuse and mental or physical cruelty. In many cases, when good reason could not be provided, one or both spouses chose “irreconcilable differences” as their reason for separating.

Today, 17 of the 50 states are “no-fault” states, not requiring (or allowing) spouses to blame the other for the breakdown of their marriage. Traditional reasons for divorce, such as adultery and abuse, are not recognized as reasons for ending the marriage in these no-fault states.

The other 33 states do allow a reason to be given as the reason for the breakdown of the marriage, however, they do not require it. In these states, no-fault is the main reason for the divorce, and any other details provided simply fall under the no-fault umbrella.

One of the biggest differences between fault and no-fault divorce is the cost involved. Since fault requires one spouse accusing the other in order to obtain their divorce, litigation can drag out and legal fees can be significant.

When fault was required in order to proceed with a divorce case, couples often lied under oath when giving a reason for the breakdown of their marriage. By making false statements, people would often commit perjury just to be granted their divorce. The no-fault divorce designation helped the courts to more efficiently process divorce cases and reduce legal fees for litigants.

As a No-Fault state, Michigan does not require a reason for divorce. One spouse, and one spouse only, must state under oath that, “there has been a breakdown in the marriage relationship to the extent the objects of matrimony have been destroyed and there remains no reasonable likelihood that the marriage can be preserved.” The other spouse may disagree, but the filing spouse will be granted their divorce regardless.

If you are considering divorce or feel that it is one of your only options, be sure to discuss your situation with an experienced West Michigan attorney. In Grand Rapids, please contact the legal professionals at Johnsen Wikander and let us help you through your most difficult time.

Divorce and The Office

Divorce and The Office

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The decision to divorce affects every aspect of both spouses lives, including finances, child custody, insurance, and property ownership. However, it can also affect relationships at work whether those relationships are with coworkers or superiors.

Most people do not necessarily wish to make their divorce a part of their work life on top of the stress felt outside of the office. Work may feel like a bit of a sanctuary where the decisions and divisions are hidden by a normal workload. Or, for people who enjoy what they do for a living, their jobs may provide a welcome distraction from the day to day divorce related tasks and trials

People may wish to keep the information regarding their divorce quiet for other reasons. Some people may not agree with the decision to divorce due to political or religious differences, making it harder to share at the office. Others may wish to keep it to themselves because they feel it’s not other people’s business.

However, for spouses who carry the couple’s health insurance, it will become necessary to include the boss or human resources at the very least. Changes in insurance coverage will mean paperwork that must be handled by the employee spouse’s HR department.

Other issues could bring the news of either spouse’s divorce out into the open, such as questions surrounding either party’s income or financial status. If there is a reason to believe that one spouse or the other is being untruthful about their income, an investigation into same (via subpoena or otherwise) could put the impending divorce into the spotlight for coworkers to discover.

At some point, the divorce will very likely become common knowledge – especially in the social media age. It is nearly impossible to prevent news from spreading through Internet channels, so a couple’s split will sooner or later find its way to the office water cooler.

Is it better to keep the news of a divorce quiet at the office, or face it head on? The decision will be different for all people and may be based on the specific circumstances of the divorce.

If you are considering a divorce, please discuss the legal implications of sharing information at work with a professional before putting yourself in a tough situation. Your first step should be to discuss your divorce with an experienced West Michigan attorney such as the team at Johnsen Wikander.

Please contact us today and let us help you through your most difficult time

Divorce and Vacations

Divorce and Vacations

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It is widely known that divorce is one of the most stressful events that can take place in a person’s life. The emotional impact is as difficult as dealing with a death, but the divorce process and related tasks, such as negotiating settlements, agreeing on child visitation, and meeting with attorneys can be exhausting for everyone involved.

For many people, the best way to deal with the aftermath of a taxing event is to take a vacation. However, once the dust settles and the divorce proceedings are over one or both partners may find traveling alone to be stressful in its own right. Many people have never taken a vacation alone at all.

With the reduction in divorce-related shame and embarrassment, more people are openly discussing the impact the dissolution of their marriage has had on them. Although the divorce rate has fallen in recent years, reaching a 40 year low in Grand Rapids and across the country, the number people listing divorce as the reason for their vacation has increased.

Singles vacations are common, with cruises or resort destinations catering to the single lifestyle. Many include events aimed at connecting people through dances, social events, and excursions. However, many newly divorced people are not ready for the possibility of a new connection and could feel left out of the bigger social scene on such trips.

People who do not wish to travel alone generally book a vacation with one or more close friends. The emotional support that comes from such a trip can help with the feeling of loneliness that often follows a split, and the vacation itself serves as a distraction from the stress and challenge of the divorce process.

Vacations with one or more friends can provide the financial benefits that traveling as a couple created before divorcing as well. Sharing a cruise ship cabin or hotel room can reduce costs, which may be especially important after the newfound expenses that accompany post-divorce life.

In many cases, traveling with a friend who has been through a divorce themselves can be helpful and therapeutic. Even just being with someone who “gets it” can be beneficial.

As summer vacations are booked, travel agents are hearing more and more people give divorce as their reason for traveling. Along with the break from stress and responsibility, travel can provide a recharge and reset, allowing newly divorced people to come back with a different view and better grasp on their path ahead. Divorce may be the best reason for many people to book a trip.

If you are facing divorce, it’s important to be prepared and educated about the modern options and potential outcomes surrounding the divorce process. In West Michigan, please contact the experienced divorce lawyers at Johnsen Wikander and let us help you through this difficult time.

Grandparents Visitation Rights After Divorce

Grandparents Visitation Rights After Divorce

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Child custody and visitation can often become points of contention in divorce cases. When divorcing parents fight over money or personal property, children can often become pawns in their parent’s ugly game. In some cases, grandparents are caught between warring parents and end up being denied time with their grandchildren.

A difficult divorce can create challenges for parents who lose custody of their children, forcing them to follow court-ordered visitation schedules and shared custody orders regardless of the convenience or inconvenience. However, what rights do grandparents have when their children cannot agree on custody and deny them time with their grandchildren?

The answer differs from state to state. In Michigan, if a parent prevents a grandparent from seeing their grandchildren, the grandparent may have little to no recourse. If an informal agreement cannot be reached by the parents, Michigan grandparents can seek a court order granting them visitation rights, or grandparenting time, but it can be a tough road.

In order to seek visitation rights, a grandparent may need to clear several hurdles. Visitation denial by a parent may signal to the court that the grandparent is unfit, or a danger to the child and the courts defer heavily to the rights of parents in making these decisions.

Unless the grandparents can prove that denying them access to the child could cause mental, physical, or psychological harm, a judge may not grant any visitation rights at all. If a fit parent denies a grandparent access, the court will most likely assume that the parent knows what is best for their children, and deny the grandparent’s request for court-ordered time.

In some cases, a judge may determine that spending time with grandparents is in the best interest of the child. There are many criteria on which this decision will likely be made, but in the absence of any history of abuse, neglect, or hostility, it is not always impossible for grandparents to gain visitation rights.

A judge will likely review other factors before making a decision, including moral concerns, the child’s affection for the grandparent, the grandparents physical and mental health, and the child’s personal preference. Ultimately, the child’s best interests will decide the outcome.

If you are a grandparent who has been expressly denied access to your grandchild, you may have rights. In West Michigan, contact the experienced West Michigan attorneys at Johnsen Wikander and let us help you through this difficult time.

Social Media can be Divorce Case Evidence

Social Media can be Divorce Case Evidence

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Social media and personal messaging apps, such as those associated with Facebook and Twitter, are being used for more personal communication than ever. Facebook friends or Twitter followers are easily found in the list of contacts associated with the user’s account, so many people never bother to add them to any other contact list.

Convenient private messaging apps are also available for phones and computers. Some dedicated communication applications, such as Snapchat, are used to send sensitive information because their short-lived messages disappear from the sender’s account after a predefined time. Each messaging app and social media outlet has its own pros and cons, but all of them share something in common – their content, when discoverable, can be used as evidence in divorce cases.

Social media content can show a wide variety of evidence that a divorce lawyer can use to help benefit their client against there spouse. Photos can be especially harmful, but text messages and online comments can be equally damaging when they contain proof of a lie or illicit behavior. A cheating spouse (or their friends) may post photos of themselves out to dinner or vacationing with another party, which may present usable evidence to a legal team.

Social media can also be used to prove, or disprove, a person’s state of mind at the time they created a post. Comments that threaten to harm other people, or the poster themselves, can affect important pieces of a divorce case such as child custody decisions. Even if the threats are hollow, they can still be used to show potential intent or instability. Angry messages or threats can even be used to justify a personal protection order.

Many people post their daily activities without thinking. Posting on social media has become so commonplace that people rarely stop to consider the implications of their actions. However, bragging online about a financial windfall or hidden wealth, or claiming to be unemployed while posting pictures of new cars or expensive vacations, could provide information that impacts property settlements or alimony.

For more information or a consultation, please contact the experienced West Michigan divorce attorneys at Johnsen Wikander to discuss your current situation and let us help you through this difficult time.

Hard Truths - Divorce and Reality

Hard Truths – Divorce and Reality

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Divorce is hard. I know, I know – “Thank you Captain Obvious.”

Sometimes painful honesty is the best way to make a point. There are endless quotes about marriage, many by people famous for saying truly insightful things. Some of them are hard to beat for their blunt approach to the truth, and for the spotlight, they shine on the future.

“One of the hardest things you will ever have to do, my dear, is grieve the loss of a person who is still alive.” Jeannette Walls, Author

Few things are harder to face than divorce, even when a relationship has deteriorated to one filled with misery and pain. Leading up to the process, divorce can feel like a doctor just told you that you’re about to lose a limb. During the proceedings, it can feel like the same doctor is sawing that limb off while you’re awake for the procedure. A thus finding the right divorce attorney in Grand Rapids is so important.

“Sometimes walking away has nothing to do with weakness and everything to do with strength.” Unknown

The idea of divorce can be hard to accept, and the process can appear to be so overwhelming that two people will choose to live in misery rather than take on the great unknown that exists on the other side of a failed marriage. Many people believe there is nothing else, that life can never be any better than the struggle they face every day.

“Divorce is never a pleasant experience. You look upon it as a failure. But I learned to be a different person once we broke up. Sometimes you learn more from failure than you do from success.” Michael Crawford, Actor

Two people may choose to hate each other under the same West Michigan roof instead of looking for kindness and love somewhere else. Partners may even choose to turn their head while the other cheats rather than accept that their marriage has collapsed. For some, accepting physical abuse can even seem like a better option than separating.

“Divorce isn’t such a tragedy. A tragedy’s staying in an unhappy marriage, teaching your children the wrong things about love. Nobody ever died of divorce.” Jennifer Weiner, Author

No one deserves to live in misery. No one should dread the start of each new day, or the slam of a car door after 5:00 pm. No one should spend their life avoiding their roommate, especially when there are children living in the same house. But sometimes getting a divorce can be better for the children. Although it will be smart to consult with a divorce lawyer regarding child custody.

“I deserve better, I deserve to be loved wildly, passionately, deeply. I deserve to be accepted and appreciated.” Samantha Matthews, Blogger

Many people believe that every marriage must be saved, but the truth is, not every marriage can be saved. Or should be. Sometimes, people who started out as friends should have stayed that way, instead of crossing the line and becoming romantic partners.

Too many people feel that admitting failure is worse than ending a bad relationship, but most relationships that carry on in sadness and resentment have already failed.

“I used to think that divorce meant failure, but now I see it more as a step along the path of self-realization and growth.” Alana Stewart, Actor

A fresh start is very often a frightening thing, but it can also be the best possible outcome for one or both spouses. Two people might not pull off a marriage, but they may have the potential to salvage a friendship, and a great friendship beats a broken marriage every time.

“New beginnings are often disguised as painful endings” Lao Tzu

Starting over is difficult. Please contact the experienced Grand Rapids divorce attorneys at Johnsen Wikander today and let us provide you with the advice and guidance you need during this challenging time.

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Divorce – Can you Change Your Mind?

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Many West Michigan couples approach divorce believing that once the process has been started it cannot be stopped. However, it is possible to stop divorce proceedings if one or both partners are having second thoughts.

If there is any possibility of saving the marriage, or if both partners wish to try and resolve the issues that pushed them to file for divorce, then it is wise to discuss the steps necessary to stop the process with an experienced Grand Rapids divorce attorney as soon as possible.

In many situations, one partner does not want to go through with the divorce or feels that they are making a mistake. Many people enter into divorce proceedings feeling as if they may not have exhausted all other options, and they still want to fight for their marriage.

There are situations that can cause irreparable harm to a relationship, such as cheating or abuse, but very often divorce is not the only answer. If the relationship has not become so toxic that a reasonable conversation is impossible, then it may be wise to stop the divorce process, even if it’s only a temporary situation.

Many people don’t consider that marriage takes work, and that a little extra effort can rebuild a relationship that one or both partners felt was beyond repair. By entertaining options such as marriage counseling, therapy, time alone, or even just rational, heartfelt conversations between the two partners, a relationship thought to be beyond repair may be salvaged.

If you are having second thoughts about your divorce proceedings, or if you want to know what your options are before making a life-altering decision, please contact the attorneys at Johnsen Wikander for a consultation today.

Emotional Affairs: More Destructive Than Physical? | Johnsen Wikander P.C. West Michigan Divorce Attorneys

Emotional Affairs: More Destructive Than Physical?

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As divorce lawyers in Grand Rapids, we have noticed people today have more communication options than ever before. Text messaging, video calling, and social media have all made it easier for two people to form a bond, whether in person or online. Friendships that develop at work, through a club or organization, or within social media circles may deepen over time due to shared interests, or, because of common problems.

Friendly relationships that grow deeper can lead to physical attraction, even when there was none in the beginning. Unhappy spouses may look outside of the home for comfort, or just to find a sympathetic ear. Innocently returned attention can lead to feelings of desire, and a spouse who may have never considered cheating could find it all too easy to stray once a friendly relationship shows any romantic prospects.

However, physical infidelity is not the only danger. Strictly platonic friendships that form strong bonds can still create difficult situations for married partners. A deepening friendship can create a safe environment where an unhappy spouse will find comfort and support. This can lead to an emotional relationship that may be viewed as an affair.

Can talking on the phone, exchanging text messages, or nurturing an online relationship be considered cheating? Most people today think so. In fact, the majority of women who were interviewed regarding the subject even believe an emotional affair is more destructive to marriage than a sexual one.

Emotional affairs have even become common reasons for divorce. According to the Today Show, a large percentage of the population believes that infidelity is no longer defined by sexual activity. The secrecy and betrayal created by emotional relationships are very often more devastating to couples than a one-night stand.

While a physical relationship is often short-lived, an emotional affair may create a more lasting connection that is harder to sever. An emotional affair can also create feelings of love between participants, while a purely physical encounter may not. Common interests, meaningful discussions, and shared difficulties form stronger bonds than sex alone.

Emotional relationships will drive a wedge between partners who are already experiencing marital difficulties. Instead of seeking ways to resolve problems at home, spouses may share their problems with an emotional friend instead. The resulting distance between married partners can grow wider when an unhappy spouse turns to someone else for support.

An emotional affair can destroy a marriage, even when there is no physical interaction. There may be signs that your partner is involved in an emotional affair, even when there is no evidence of physical interaction.

Please contact the experienced divorce attorneys at Johnsen Wikander for help or advice.