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Children of Divorce and the Holidays | Johnsen Wikander P.C. West Michigan Divorce Attorneys

Children of Divorce and the Holidays

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For many people, the upcoming holiday season will be their first without a spouse. Couples who have divorced in 2019 may see the holiday season as challenging instead of joyous, especially when faced with financial and child-related concerns.

However, there are some important things to consider to maintain your holiday spirit, especially when children are involved. Divorce is hard enough on kids, so during this time of year, it is even more critical to put children first.

There are some important considerations for divorced or divorcing West Michigan parents in order to preserve the holiday joy for their children.

Keep the Kids Out of the Middle

Children should never be used as pawns. Many are already struggling with the situation and should never be made to feel like pieces in a chess match. Remember to base decisions on their mental and physical wellbeing first and foremost.

It is also important to avoid discussing the other parent in front of the children. They should never hear disparaging comments about their mother from their father in the middle of a holiday gathering.

Get in the Spirit

It is easy to harbor anger and resentment during a difficult divorce, but the holidays are a time of joy and parents should do their best to get in the spirit. Try not to skimp on the decorations or keep your Christmas tree or menorah in the box just because you are not in the mood.

This is the time to put your children front and center and get in the spirit, even if only for them.

The Holidays are Not a Competition

For most divorced or divorcing couples, money has played a part in their stress and strife. It is easy to think that a child’s love can be purchased by buying bigger, more expensive gifts than the other parent, but the holidays should not be a competition.

It is also important to remember the rules. If children are not allowed to have a particular item, such as a cell phone or other electronics, purchasing it behind the other parent’s back can only lead to further conflict with children almost undoubtedly caught in the middle.

Celebrations and Social Gatherings

Holiday celebrations and social gatherings present unique issues, especially school concerts and parties or other events where children are the focus. During these times, it is important to make sacrifices for the children and put conflict aside.

You do not need to sit together, especially if doing so leads to heightened stress or animosity; however, children should be able to see both parents in the audience at their school play.

It’s a Holiday, Not a Road Trip

The holidays should be a time of celebration, not an exhausting odyssey across the state. Children should not dread the holidays because it means spending the day traveling between parents, grandparents and extended family homes.

Make the effort to coordinate and compromise so the kids can enjoy the day without spending most of it in the car. If there is one time all year to meet in the middle, this is it.

The holidays present unique challenges for both parents and children involved in a divorce. It is important to make compromises wherever necessary to put the children’s needs first and foremost.

If you are considering divorce, please take the time to investigate all of the available options before proceeding with any legal action. Please consult with the Grand Rapids area divorce attorneys at Johnsen Wikander and let us help you through your most difficult time.

Road to Parenting after Divorce

Life after Divorce – Apps and Websites That Assist Parents

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Adjusting to life after divorce is difficult, especially with the many changes to daily life that follow. Co-parenting requirements, financial considerations, and communication issues can all place new responsibilities on divorced West Michigan spouses. However, there’s tech for that.
Parents can find help with many of their needs both online and in apps from the Google or Apple App Stores. Here are some of the most popular and helpful free and paid tools available today.
1. Talking Parents
By keeping an online record of all conversations between both parties, Talking Parents helps them avoid the “he said-she said” aspects of communication and can prevent disputes. If a dispute does arise, it may be resolved more quickly since stored communication records cannot be altered or deleted.
Talking Parents also provides space for sharing and storing files, and a shared calendar with notifications to help with co-parenting tasks and appointments. The program is free for people who only want to use the website, however, for $4.99 per month parents can also use Talking Parents’ mobile apps on their phone.
2. 2Houses
2Houses helps divorced or separated parents communicate, organize, and schedule tasks and resources to prevent conflict and to help ensure the well-being of their children. 2Houses provides a shared calendar specifically created for separated parents, and a journal for sharing information such as news, pictures, and even videos.
2Houses also provides an expense management tool so that parents can easily track and share financial information, offering transparency that helps to avoid conflict between divorced spouses. Visit their website or download the smartphone app and provide access to the entire family for $9.99 per month.
3. AppClose
Although only available on mobile phones, AppClose helps separated parents avoid scheduling conflicts with an easy to use shared calendar. AppClose also includes a secure messaging platform that includes the ability to export conversations for review by a divorce attorney.
The app can also maintain a record of important information such as allergies, contact info, teacher’s names, and alternative childcare. Download Appclose for free from the Google or Apple App store.
4. Our Family Wizard
Designed specifically for co-parenting, Our Family Wizard helps parents keep the focus on their children. The program helps to avoid miscommunication and reduce stress by providing a secure platform where messages between parents cannot be deleted or altered. The built-in, proprietary Tone Meter can suggest changes to new messages that will keep things light and positive.

Our Family Wizard also includes a robust shared calendar, a virtual diary, and an information bank that can store important medical, school, or contact information and files for easy access by both parents. Our Family Wizard plans begin at $99.00 per year and include website and mobile access.
5. CoParently
CoParently helps parents spend less time managing custody and more time with their children. Offering a shared calendar, secure messaging platform, and information storage much like the others, the program provides parents with all of the tools they need to stay focused on the best interests of their children.
Coparently also allows Guest access to select family members, caregivers, or family law professionals and provides special access for children that shields them their parent’s conversations. Membership plans include website and mobile access for $9.99 per month.
If you are considering divorce, please take the time to learn about the options available to you today, such as Collaborative Divorce, which can help couples reach an outcome that is acceptable and beneficial to their entire family.
In West Michigan, please contact the experienced divorce attorneys at Johnsen Wikander today and let us help you through your most difficult time.

Divorce Roundup for 2018

Divorce Roundup for 2018

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In the past year, Americans have seen a fair amount of uncertainty, turmoil and change. Some events may impact the legal decisions facing divorcing spouses in the near future, while other events point to cultural changes that may positively touch the lives of one or both spouses who have chosen to dissolve their marriage.

For our first post of the new year, it seems appropriate to review some information we shared during 2018. Although some of the things we have shared with our West Michigan neighbors has been light-hearted, other posts have addressed critical issues facing the people in the Grand Rapids area who might be considering or going through a divorce.

Our 2018 highlights include:

Divorce Rate Decline

Divorce rates have seen a decline over the past several years, with much of that change attributed to the Millennial’s approach to marriage. With a more results-driven, goal-oriented attitude toward marriage, Millennials are marrying later in life, and divorcing less often.

The Truth About Divorce Rates

Dropping Divorce Rates Influenced by Millennials

Modern Technology, Social Media, and Divorce

Todays’ technology and its occasional overuse can lead to marital problems and also provide attorneys and litigants with evidence that can be used on either side of a case. Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and other social media outlets often show proof of everything from hidden property to infidelity.

There have been some helpful technological advancements too, with the rise of smartphone apps and websites that help with co-parenting and communication, such as Our Family Wizard and the like.

Social Media can be Divorce Case Evidence

New Divorce Trends – Online Apps

Divorce Themed Jewelry

Divorce and Vacations

Cultural Changes, Acceptance, and Divorce

Public sentiment towards divorce has changed dramatically over the last several decades, with television and other media sources contributing to the shift. TV shows like One Day at a Time and even I Love Lucy showed the public that divorced spouses were still human beings with regular problems, undeserving of the stigma and scorn so often directed their way.

Divorced Women on TV

The Power of Mediation for Divorcing Couples

Stay Together for the Kids? Many Kids say No

Divorce and The Office

Divorce and Friendship – Who gets The Smiths?

New Options Available to Divorcing Spouses

Divorce does not have to be the adversarial, “winner take all” contest it once may have been for many divorcing spouses. Newer options, such as Collaborative Divorce, and more common options, like arbitration, and mediation, offer divorcing couples and family lawyers a way to work together, protect their relationships, and create better outcomes for children.

The History of Collaborative Divorce

More than just Divorce

Collaborative Divorce: A Gentler Process, A Better Answer

Collaborative Divorce Revisited

Gentler Approach to Difficult Issues

New Tax Laws, Finances, and Divorce

Tax code changes that take effect in the new year may change the way spouses approach issues like spousal support and alimony. With the tax responsibility shifting from one side to the other, new financial considerations make it more important than ever to discuss the divorce process and outcome with an experienced divorce attorney.

New Tax Laws May Affect Alimony Settlements

Divorce and Financial Considerations

How the New Tax Code may Impact Children of Divorce

The Impact of Changing Tax Laws on Divorce

If you are considering divorce in 2019, please consult with a divorce lawyer before taking any steps forward. In Grand Rapids, Michigan, please contact the experienced divorce attorneys at Johnsen Wikander today and let us help you through your most difficult time.

A Gentler Process, A Better Answer

Collaborative Divorce: A Gentler Process, A Better Answer

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In 2014, Michigan became the tenth state to adopt laws that provide couples with a better, gentler path forward when facing divorce. Collaborative Law promotes voluntary negotiation and settlement over traditional litigation and can help divorcing couples to achieve a more private, dignified outcome.

Collaborative Divorce focuses on interest-based negotiation, cooperation, and mutually beneficial solutions instead of courtroom battles over assets and custody. Instead of approaching the case as a fight to be won, both parties agree to retain collaboratively-trained lawyers, financial neutrals, and mental health professionals in order to work toward a mutually beneficial outcome for their entire family.

Collaborative Divorce also makes children a top priority, aiming to preserve a workable relationship between divorcing parents. By creating a more cooperative atmosphere throughout divorce proceedings, the process can create a more suitable foundation for co-parenting while removing animosity, stress, and tension between parents.

Collaborative Divorce does not work in every case. At the start, both parties sign a contract agreeing to participate in a fair, honest, and cooperative process until the mutually acceptable outcome is reached. If the process fails at any point, or if either party refuses to cooperate or withdraws from the agreement, the Collaborative Process stops and both parties must resort to the traditional divorce process instead. The collaboratively-trained professionals must withdraw and cannot be involved in the litigation process.

Couples participating in a Collaborative Divorce can reach settlements while maintaining a healthy, workable relationship that puts their children’s needs first. By communicating throughout the process, couples no longer see each other as adversaries, rather as participants in a joint venture that is no longer viable. There is no need to fight, only the need to complete the Collaborative Divorce process amicably and peacefully.

It is important to understand which divorce option is best for you and your situation. In West Michigan, please ask the specially-trained Collaborative Law professionals at Johnsen Wikander if the Collaborative Divorce process can work for you. If you have questions, please contact our attorneys and let us help you through this difficult time.

Collaborative Divorce Revisited

Collaborative Divorce Revisited

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The news of Donald Trump Jr. and his wife Vanessa’s impending divorce seems to be everywhere you look these days. Updates are available almost daily while the world awaits the outcome for the President’s oldest son and his wife of 12 years.

No matter what the reason is for the couple’s split, one thing seems certain–they appear to be working together on one important task – co-parenting. Although divorce seems imminent, they have been seen together during several recent breaks and vacations amicably spending time with their 5 children.

Parents who are moving toward divorce have options available which provide a layer of protection for their children during the divorce process, and after proceedings are complete, that did not exist in years past. Collaborative Divorce provides couples with a softer, simpler route to the dissolution of their marriage, helping their marriage to end without fireworks or fighting.

Collaborative practice is an approach to divorce which allows both parties to work together to achieve common, and individual, goals instead of facing each other as adversaries. By engaging in the Collaborative practice, the couple agrees to work with a team of professionals to reach a mutually agreeable settlement without the involvement of the court.

Collaborative Law teams include legal, financial, and mental health professionals specially trained in Collaborative Practice. Both parties agree to full disclosure of all important information and then work together along with the trained team to create a fair settlement.

Collaborative practice can often settle divorce cases more quickly than traditional routes, allowing both parties to move on to more settled lives, creating peaceful, stable environments for their children. When both spouses have worked together to create a mutually acceptable settlement, co-parenting also becomes easier and less impactful on their children.

Collaborative Divorce may not be an option in every case; however, the practice can provide an easier path forward, allowing parents to maintain a working relationship once their marriage has ended. When children are present, their well-being becomes the highest priority, and issues such as custody and support are often agreed upon without stress or resentment.

If you are facing divorce, you may be unaware of the current options available to you and your spouse. Please consult with an experienced attorney to discuss Collaborative Practice and any other options that could bring peace to your family easier than traditional divorce proceedings.

For more information on Collaborative Practice, please contact the experienced West Michigan attorneys at Johnsen Wikander and let us help you through your most difficult time.

Nesting - Giving Your Children the House | Johnsen Wikander P.C. West Michigan Divorce Attorneys

Nesting – Giving Your Children the House

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While the concept is not new, nesting is still a fairly unusual outcome in West Michigan divorce cases. However, the idea has grown in popularity in recent years as a better way for divorcing parents to provide a more stable environment for their children, and to minimize the disruption and upheaval associated with divorce, especially if that involves moving the child away from the home they were familiar with.

For most children with divorcing parents, the situation creates uncertainty, and sometimes conflict, when those children must travel from house to house. The situation becomes even more disruptive when the children are traveling on a daily, sometimes weekly basis, resulting in them being away from the friends who can often provide an extra layer of support.

Divorce can also lead to behavioral issues in children. Guilt and depression can become a factor for children caught in the middle of the turmoil, especially if the parents are struggling to make financial or custody decisions without anger and conflict. A stable environment can be an important factor in the children’s ability to cope with their parent’s separation.

Nesting allows children to remain in their home while their parents come and go as necessary to exercise their visitation and parenting time. Both parents occupy other living quarters, such as a small apartment or a family or friend’s home, while taking turns living in the shared house with their children. This creates a situation similar to custody arrangements determined in divorce court, however, instead of displacing the children every other week (or more) the parents accept the inconvenience and upheaval caused by their marital dissolution.

Nesting allows children of divorcing parents to experience less upheaval, hopefully adding some solid ground to a shaky situation. Instead of becoming uprooted and displaced, children stay in their own rooms and beds and maintain some routine and normalcy in their lives.

While seemingly unconventional, this arrangement allows children of divorce to stay in the same school and to maintain close ties with their friends. The children are also spared from constantly packing their clothes and toys for the weekend, or longer, visits with the non-custodial parent. Instead of forcing the children through constant “camping trips”, nesting provides a much more solid foundation for the children of divorcing spouses.

The concept is obviously not for everyone and should not be considered without consulting an experienced divorce attorney. Trust issues, new relationships, and financial plans must be taken into consideration before such an arrangement is contemplated. However, nesting offers divorcing parents a way to ensure that their children will be impacted far less by the decision to divorce.

Divorce decisions and arrangements should never be made without first consulting an experienced divorce attorney. In Grand Rapids, please contact Johnsen Wikander today for information or advice.

 

Cohabitation After Divorce: A Growing Trend

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In most modern marriages both spouses work to support their family and to move toward common goals such as children’s college expenses, a larger house or retirement. During a marriage, most costs associated with the housing, cars, and other resources are shared between husband and wife.

Aside from the emotional impact, divorce, whether it takes place in West Michigan or anywhere else, can create another layer of hardship when both partners suddenly find themselves house or apartment hunting, or in need of another car. The resulting financial challenges can add to the stress of an already difficult situation.

These days, many couples are choosing to live together after divorcing for several reasons. Children have the largest effect on strategic and financial decisions during, and after, a divorce. Staying close together, or even under the same roof, to provide parental continuity has led many couples to simply sleep in separate bedrooms in their existing home once divorce proceedings are finalized and avoid the potential for conflict regarding moving a child or a custody battle.

Real estate also plays a major role in the decisions made after separation. When a house or property has been purchased as an investment, or real estate has dramatically decreased in value, it may make more sense to live under the same roof until the market bounces back or a project home is completed.

Another reason couples will live together is to prevent upheaval. A single parent may not be able to carry the costs associated with the current family home. However, if both parents continue to shoulder the mortgage, utilities, and taxes together they can ensure their children stay in the same home and the same school with their established friends and teachers.

In many cases, custody or visitation arrangements mean the children are packed up and shipped between their parent’s separate houses. This can result in two sets of belongings, and even friends. When spouses choose to stay under the same roof, the effects of the divorce on the children may again be reduced by eliminating the need for children to shuffle back and forth.

This situation can also impact fighting over custody and over who gets to see the children on which night or weekend. When the children of divorced couples stay put and both parents come to them, the situation’s impact is less severe.

Cohabitation after divorce is by no means an easy solution. Aside from the agreements put in place by the spouses and their respective divorce lawyers, rules and boundaries must be set. This is not a simple roommate situation, especially when old emotions resurface or one former partner begins dating.

Like any other situation, cohabitation after a divorce has pros and cons. It may not be possible for everyone, but it could provide an easier solution to financially challenged partners and may allow parents to spend more time with their children.

Cohabitation may not be for everyone, but there are plenty of success stories about parents who have amicably divorced and made cohabitation work. The children of divorced parents appear to reap the most benefits, but it could provide a better financial and structural solution for the parents as well.

Options aside from litigation include mediation and Collaborative divorce. An experienced divorce attorney can help you find the best path forward, so please contact Johnsen Wikander for a free consultation today.