Divorce and the Five Stages of Grief | Johnsen Wikander P.C. West Michigan Divorce Attorneys

Divorce and the Five Stages of Grief

The Kubler-Ross model of grief and mourning suggests that people go through five stages during or after a loss or tragedy, such as the death of a loved one. However, the loss of a family member or friend is not the only source of grief strong enough to create the cycle. Other life-altering events can also generate the same response, such as divorce.

It is said that divorce can be as painful as the death of a loved one, and many people go through the Kubler-Ross stages of grief during the process. Below are the five stages and the extreme emotions some people can expect to experience during their divorce.

1. Denial – many people will respond to the initial announcement or realization that a spouse wants to be released from the marriage with denial. Denial may be a coping mechanism to help soften the initial impact of an emotional or destructive event and can help to reduce the associated pain. In many cases, divorce proceedings may come as a surprise to one partner, and denial may allow time to accept the truth.

2. Anger – An angry response is almost guaranteed to follow denial. The betrayal associated with an affair can even illicit fury in some cases, but even the realization that a spouse has been considering divorce for some time can bring anger and resentment. Intense emotions may drive one partner to focus on little things that were considered annoyances, turning them into much bigger issues. With any divorce, anger is almost assured.

3. Bargaining – The third stage in the emotional rollercoaster associated with divorce is bargaining, which one partner may see as the opportunity to salvage the relationship. Bargaining may include attempts at counseling, or even one partner begging the other not to go while promising change or acceptance of the another’s own poor behavior. Bargaining can add additional time to the divorce process and may not affect the outcome.

4. Depression – The pain of divorce has been compared to the loss of a beloved family member or friend. In many ways, the dissolution of a marriage is just that, especially if one partner intends to move away or has already developed a relationship with someone else. Divorcing spouses can also see the event as failure, and depression may be accompanied by shame.

5. Acceptance – Once the cycle is complete, divorcing partners will reach acceptance and can begin to move on with their lives. Although other emotions may still exist, such as anger and depression, acceptance will allow work to begin so that divorce proceedings can be completed, and spouses can begin to reclaim their lives. Acceptance may not bring happiness, but it can at least help to reduce divorce-related stress and anger.

Divorce is one of the most emotionally challenging events a person can experience. However, as divorcing spouses pass through the five stages of grief during the process, recognizing the steps can help process the event and return to normalcy sooner. Once acceptance has been reached, there is a better chance at a stable, and even happy, life.

The emotional impact of divorce can be overwhelming. If you are struggling with any of the five stages of grief throughout the process, please consider speaking with a mental health professional who can help you work through the cycle. The sooner you can move on, the sooner you can begin to heal.

If you are facing or considering divorce, it is important to speak with an experienced attorney to discuss the options and decisions that are right for your situation. In West Michigan, please contact the experienced attorneys at Johnsen Wikander and let us help you through this difficult time.

Divorce and Financial Considerations | Johnsen Wikander P.C. West Michigan Divorce Attorneys

Divorce and Financial Considerations

Divorce can often boil just below the surface of a marriage for several years before coming to pass, churning until one or both of the spouses can no longer maintain their relationship or avoid the inevitable outcome.

At other times, divorce can be unexpected, leaving one spouse little or no time to prepare for the uncertainty and upheaval that accompanies the end of their marriage. In such cases, a husband or wife who is caught off guard may have little to no time to prepare for the financial issues they may face after their relationship has ended.

No matter how equitably marital assets and debts are divided or how income is distributed through alimony (spousal support) and child support, a newly divorced spouse may find themselves in a difficult situation due to inexperience and lack of knowledge regarding their marital finances. Bills, taxes and insurance all potentially present unfamiliar territory when one spouse has primarily handled those day to day affairs in the past.

Consult with an experienced attorney as soon as possible to avoid common financial pitfalls and consider these important issues in advance of your meeting:

1. Insurance – It may be necessary to assume your own car, renters, homeowners, or health insurance. Pay a visit to your insurance agent to discuss how to proceed with changes in your coverage.

2. Credit Cards – If your credit card was part of a joint account it may be necessary to apply for a card in your own name. Also, it may be best to remove yourself from a joint credit card if you do not need to use the card for expenses while the divorce is pending. You want to protect yourself from being liable for credit card debt incurred by your spouse while a divorce is pending.

3. Banking – Checking and savings accounts should be set up in your own name as soon as legally allowable. Consult with your attorney on the correct process to remove joint account owners or to set up your own accounts.

4. Financial Management – If you have not played a part in your financial management during your marriage, find a good accountant and advisor who can counsel you on issues such as taxes and investments.

5. Taxes – If your spouse has been primarily responsible for filing and paying your joint taxes, find an accountant who can help navigate important tax issues. It’s better to pay a professional than to risk mistakes and potential penalties.

There are other financial implications to divorce aside from the challenges of alimony (spousal support), child support, and the division of assets. If you’re facing divorce, please contact the experienced West Michigan attorneys at Johnsen Wikander and let us help you through your most difficult time.

More than just Divorce | Johnsen Wikander P.C. West Michigan Divorce Attorneys

More than just Divorce

Many West Michigan divorce attorneys advertise other areas of practice as well, including arbitration and mediation. Many people, however, do not understand the difference between these alternative dispute resolution (ADR) methods and how they can be used during a divorce or family law matter.

At Johnsen Wikander, we provide more services than just traditional divorce litigation, and each option could help you achieve a better, less stressful outcome that does not involve the court system and potential related costs. These options also provide private, and sometimes faster, results.

Mediation

Mediation is the practice of working with a neutral party to achieve a mutually acceptable resolution to a dispute. The parties meet with the mediator and discuss their issues. The mediator attempts to bring each person to common ground in order to resolve an issue, often minimizing cost and keeping disputes outside of court.

The mediator will meet with each side of a dispute to negotiate their case and reach a settlement or compromise. This can be used to settle spousal support and child custody issues while keeping both parties out of court. Mediation depends on both side’s willingness to achieve an agreement and may not work for everyone.

Arbitration

Like mediation, arbitration involves a neutral third party who makes decisions regarding disputes outside of court. Unlike mediation, an arbitrator hears each side state their position and makes the final decision. Although the arbitrator is a decision-maker, they are making their decision outside of court, in the less formal setting of a conference room or law office.

Albeit more adversarial than mediation, arbitration can still keep a case out of court and reduce costs.

Many cases can be resolved without appearing in court or dragging an issue out for months to reach a settlement. By using an alternative form of dispute resolution, a more acceptable, less expensive, and more private outcome can be achieved. Although this may not be a viable option for all cases, it is always worth discussing.

Please contact Johnsen Wikander today and let us help you understand these alternative methods of dispute resolution. Our experienced team of attorneys can help you reach a cost-effective solution to your most difficult issues.

 

New Year’s Resolutions and Divorce

For many people the New Year brings new hope, providing a fresh outlook and the feeling of renewed opportunity. However, the turn of the year also brings a spike in divorce cases nationwide when holiday events are over, family commitments have been met, and guests have gone back home.

Both spouses may have reached common ground and agreed to divorce after the holidays are over to preserve family traditions and protect their children’s holiday experience. If both spouses are on common ground they may also have agreed to preserve appearances and avoid explaining the situation during family gatherings or parties.

However, a spouse who has been unhappy for some time may use their New Year’s Resolution to commit to a difficult choice and end a rocky marriage. Holiday stress can also become a driving force in the decision to divorce. Family visits, party preparations, and excess spending can increase tension and stress, and push an unsteady relationship over the edge.

One partner’s decision to divorce may blind-side the other partner, leading to angry and emotional confrontations. Even though both partners may know there is something wrong one may not be aware that other has become unhappy enough to leave, especially if any attempt has been made to resolve personal differences and repair the marriage.

With any unexpected confrontation, emotions and anger become factors that can only make matters worse. As difficult as it may be, it is extremely important to keep a level head and approach the situation cautiously and to be as informed as possible, especially when there are minor children involved.

The situation can also create knee-jerk reactions and spontaneous decisions that could create additional challenges, especially if any discussions about finances, custody, or assets take place. As hard as it may be, the best options are to face the issue head-on with rational conversation, or to step back until both partners have time to process the information and can talk through the issue.

An angry response or clouded judgment can make matters substantially worse. A snap decision could create an outcome which is difficult to reverse and has long-lasting effects on one or both partners.

If you are facing a potential separation or divorce, please – don’t make any quick decisions. Contact the experienced West Michigan attorneys at Johnsen Wikander and let us help you through this difficult time.

Hard Truths - Divorce and Reality | Johnsen Wikander P.C. West Michigan Divorce Attorneys

Hard Truths – Divorce and Reality

Divorce is hard. I know, I know – “Thank you Captain Obvious.”

Sometimes painful honesty is the best way to make a point. There are endless quotes about marriage, many by people famous for saying truly insightful things. Some of them are hard to beat for their blunt approach to the truth, and for the spotlight they shine on the future.

“One of the hardest things you will ever have to do, my dear, is grieve the loss of a person who is still alive.” Jeannette Walls, Author

Few things are harder to face than divorce, even when a relationship has deteriorated to one filled with misery and pain. Leading up to the process, divorce can feel like a doctor just told you that you’re about to lose a limb. During the proceedings, it can feel like the same doctor is sawing that limb off while you’re awake for the procedure.

“Sometimes walking away has nothing to do with weakness and everything to do with strength.” Unknown

The idea of divorce can be hard to accept, and the process can appear to be so overwhelming that two people will choose to live in misery rather than take on the great unknown that exists on the other side of a failed marriage. Many people believe there is nothing else, that life can never be any better than the struggle they face every day.

“Divorce is never a pleasant experience. You look upon it as a failure. But I learned to be a different person once we broke up. Sometimes you learn more from failure than you do from success.” Michael Crawford, Actor

Two people may choose to hate each other under the same West Michigan roof instead of looking for kindness and love somewhere else. Partners may even choose to turn their head while the other cheats rather than accept that their marriage has collapsed. For some, accepting physical abuse can even seem like a better option than separating.

“Divorce isn’t such a tragedy. A tragedy’s staying in an unhappy marriage, teaching your children the wrong things about love. Nobody ever died of divorce.” Jennifer Weiner, Author

No one deserves to live in misery. No one should dread the start of each new day, or the slam of a car door after 5:00 pm. No one should spend their life avoiding their roommate, especially when there are children living in the same house.

“I deserve better, I deserve to be loved wildly, passionately, deeply. I deserve to be accepted and appreciated.” Samantha Matthews, Blogger

Many people believe that every marriage must be saved, but the truth is, not every marriage can be saved. Or should be. Sometimes, people who started out as friends should have stayed that way, instead of crossing the line and becoming romantic partners.

Too many people feel that admitting failure is worse than ending a bad relationship, but most relationships that carry on in sadness and resentment have already failed.

“I used to think that divorce meant failure, but now I see it more as a step along the path of self-realization and growth.” Alana Stewart, Actor

A fresh start is very often a frightening thing, but it can also be the best possible outcome for one or both spouses. Two people might not pull off a marriage, but they may have the potential to salvage a friendship, and a great friendship beats a broken marriage every time.

“New beginnings are often disguised as painful endings” Lao Tzu

Starting over is difficult. Please contact the experienced Grand Rapids divorce attorneys at Johnsen Wikander today and let us provide you with the advice and guidance you need during this challenging time.

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Divorce – Can you Change Your Mind?

Many West Michigan couples approach divorce believing that once the process has been started it cannot be stopped. However, it is possible to stop divorce proceedings if one or both partners are having second thoughts.

If there is any possibility of saving the marriage, or if both partners wish to try and resolve the issues that pushed them to file for divorce, then it is wise to discuss the steps necessary to stop the process with an experienced divorce attorney as soon as possible.

In many situations, one partner does not want to go through with the divorce or feels that they are making a mistake. Many people enter into divorce proceedings feeling as if they may not have exhausted all other options, and they still want to fight for their marriage.

There are situations that can cause irreparable harm to a relationship, such as cheating or abuse, but very often divorce is not the only answer. If the relationship has not become so toxic that a reasonable conversation is impossible, then it may be wise to stop the divorce process, even if it’s only a temporary situation.

Many people don’t consider that marriage takes work, and that a little extra effort can rebuild a relationship that one or both partners felt was beyond repair. By entertaining options such as marriage counseling, therapy, time alone, or even just rational, heartfelt conversations between the two partners, a relationship thought to be beyond repair may be salvaged.

If you are having second thoughts about your divorce proceedings, or if you want to know what your options are before making a life-altering decision, please contact the attorneys at Johnsen Wikander for a consultation today.

Stress Management and Divorce | Johnsen Wikander P.C. West Michigan Divorce Attorneys

Stress Management and Divorce

The decision to divorce is usually reached after the most difficult period in a marriage. During this time, it is important to pay attention to your own well-being to help maintain clarity and manage the stress that accompanies the end of a relationship.

Even a mutually accepted decision to separate is accompanied with stressful tasks, such as financial and property distribution, and child visitation decisions. Changing bank account and credit card information can disrupt work and create additional layers of complexity, all of which may lead to more stress.

Children Know

Children are far more aware of divorce-related stress in their parents than they are often given credit for. Heated arguments, unexplained absences, and stormy relationships do not go unnoticed, often leading to feelings of guilt for children caught in the middle of their parent’s divorce proceedings.

It is important to maintain a clear head through difficult times, which can prevent snap decisions or heated arguments over less important details. Life must go on for parents and children alike, making stress management an important part of the divorce process.

Balance the difficulties of divorce with uplifting activities to help reduce stress. Here are some ideas to try. Go alone to recharge, or take your kids and use the time to help them through their own divorce related challenges.

Find Distractions

Go to the beach. It’s hard to beat the sound of crashing waves and the feeling of sand between your toes. Michigan has some of the best beaches in the world so why not try a walk along the water’s edge. The beach is even beautiful in the winter when the ice chunks pile up along the shore.

See a movie or read a book. There is nothing like an exciting storyline and strong characters to provide a distraction. A good book can transport the reader to beautiful, distant, and even imaginary places where the burdens are carried by someone else.

Get Away

Take a day or weekend trip. Michigan has so many incredible destinations within easy reach. The renaissance taking place in Detroit has made it an attractive destination for food and entertainment. Chicago is only a few hours away too, with Michigan Avenue shopping or the city’s world-class museums all within walking distance from most hotels.

Experience local culture. It’s often easy to overlook the closest attractions. Think like a tourist and visit some of the local tourist draws such as Art Prize in Grand Rapids or the Air Zoo in Kalamazoo. Or, visit one of the many wonderful exhibits at the Gerald R. Ford Presidential Museum.

Let Us Help

The end of any relationship weighs heavily on everyone involved. Please call or email us today and let Johnsen Wikander help reduce the stress of your divorce.

Divorce and Well Being | Johnsen Wikander P.C. West Michigan Divorce Attorneys

Divorce and Well Being

A study from the National Institutes of Health and other evidence shows that divorce may be necessary for the wellbeing of the individuals involved. There are times when the relationship between adults is frequently in conflict, and that can spill over into larger familial relationships, having a potentially negative impact on children, as well as the personal well-being of each spouse. Read more

Divorce Rate Goes Down, Acceptability Goes Up | Johnsen Wikander P.C. West Michigan Divorce Attorneys

Divorce Rate Goes Down, Acceptability Goes Up

Contrary to common belief, the national divorce rate has been falling, reaching its lowest point in decades. At the same time, the percentage of U.S. adults who say that divorce is morally acceptable is at a new high, reaching 73% according to this summer’s Gallup Poll. Read more

Uncontested Divorce: What You Need to Know | Divorce Attorneys in Grand Rapids

Uncontested Divorce: What You Need to Know

Our team follows a simple commitment with every person we meet: we are determined to find the best legal solution for your family. Each case is unique, so our first step will always be to get to know you and your story. If there are no unresolved or disputed issues between you and your spouse, an uncontested divorce may be an option. Here are the fast facts: Read more